i am losing my grip.. bit by bit.. after so many many days of learning to handle myself.. i feel that i am losing 'the feel' once again..
i thought i was handling myself well enuff.. its has been sometimes since i expressed my unhappiness.. after 202 class week 1 this sem.. i knew i cant be the little girl screaming and yelling as and when i like.. i cant be the spolit brat that only think abt myself or rather guess and interpret others using my cannot-make-it kind of narrow judgement.. i learn to pick things up and let them go.. i learn not to shield and armour myself from all the arrows shot at me.. but i guessed all these need time.. and i was a little ambitious..
now.. i am jus.. jus disappointed with myself.. not with anyone else..
it seems very much to me that there are a lot of monsters roaming ard in my tiny little brain.. there are screaming, roaring, yelling, laughing.. these monsters told me that i wasnt good enuff, i wasnt much wad i wanted of myself, the tell me there is so much uncertainty, they tell me that the worst might come, they advised me abt carrying high hopes cos chances are i might jus crashed down, they warned me about my little actions that might resulted to be losing big rounds..
they formed my confusions, my emotions and my mood...
with the human tap of mine is turned on.. i cant control it at all.. it gushes out just like the pouring rain that is now dancing in the night right outside my windows.. and the draining effect did last for quite some time..
i jus want a little smile.. a smile that can brighten my day.. i really need it..
maybe in the past i lied too much about myself being unsure of my emotions, my feelings and why i am not feeling good... i knew wad went wrong then, wad caused my unhappiness and stuff..
BUT this time round i was really unsure..
i jus came online to talk this whole rubbish crap... its an inner part of me.. and dun worry i am still more or less alright.. sane at least..
wad to do, i will have to hang on.. life is nv really smooth..
i am losing my grip.. bit by bit.. after so many many days of learning to handle myself.. i feel that i am losing 'the feel' once again..
i thought i was handling myself well enuff.. its has been sometimes since i expressed my unhappiness.. after 202 class week 1 this sem.. i knew i cant be the little girl screaming and yelling as and when i like.. i cant be the spolit brat that only think abt myself or rather guess and interpret others using my cannot-make-it kind of narrow judgement.. i learn to pick things up and let them go.. i learn not to shield and armour myself from all the arrows shot at me.. but i guessed all these need time.. and i was a little ambitious..
now.. i am jus.. jus disappointed with myself.. not with anyone else..
it seems very much to me that there are a lot of monsters roaming ard in my tiny little brain.. there are screaming, roaring, yelling, laughing.. these monsters told me that i wasnt good enuff, i wasnt much wad i wanted of myself, the tell me there is so much uncertainty, they tell me that the worst might come, they advised me abt carrying high hopes cos chances are i might jus crashed down, they warned me about my little actions that might resulted to be losing big rounds..
they formed my confusions, my emotions and my mood...
with the human tap of mine is turned on.. i cant control it at all.. it gushes out just like the pouring rain that is now dancing in the night right outside my windows.. and the draining effect did last for quite some time..
i jus want a little smile.. a smile that can brighten my day.. i really need it..
maybe in the past i lied too much about myself being unsure of my emotions, my feelings and why i am not feeling good... i knew wad went wrong then, wad caused my unhappiness and stuff..
BUT this time round i was really unsure..
i jus came online to talk this whole rubbish crap... its an inner part of me.. and dun worry i am still more or less alright.. sane at least..
wad to do, i will have to hang on.. life is nv really smooth..
Pamela a simple 'yet not really so' girl
21 going 22
NTU(accountancy)graduate brand new in the the working world
loves being loved
loads of nonsense full of craps
aims to achieve the best
wanna achieve all her dreams big and little
hanging on..
